March 21

The days are going by so quickly.  I had forgotten how quickly each day passes when it’s just me and Kai at home. I think about doing something and then all of a sudden it’s 3 days latter. I’m feeling a lot better and these few weeks in between treatments have been absolutely fantastic – soul cleansing and heart warming. I’ve been feeling like my regular self, not like my cancer self. Although the time until we go back is getting shorter and I feel my cancer self starting to creep back in. Over this past week, we’ve been enjoying time at home and visiting with friends. We took Kai to his first party: an annual St. Patrick’s Day super party at our good friends’ house. Kai had a fabulous time (mostly he slept in his car seat). Other firsts for Kai include learning to blow kisses (adorable) and his first yoga class.  The kisses are fun, but I think the yoga may have been overwhelming. There were about 15 moms and babies there, ranging in ages from 8 weeks to 9 months. Every time one of the babies started crying, Kai cried in sympathy. It was simultaneously sweet and heartbreaking. I think he’s going to be a sensitive guy, which will hopefully serve him well. He is almost completely over his cold from last week. He is still a little congested, but that’s about all. He is eating and sleeping again like a champ. And for that, we are all very thankful.

Jeff’s birthday is this week and to celebrate we are going away overnight on Saturday. We’re going out to dinner and then staying at a hotel in D.C. It will be our first time just the two of us for more than just a couple of hours in the past 5 months (excluding time in the hospital because I don’t believe that counts). My mom and step-dad are coming down to stay with Kai. I am very thankful for that; I’m really looking forward to this time with my husband. Plus, with everything he has been doing – taking care of me and of Kai and working - he deserves a wonderful birthday. Poor Jeff caught Kai’s cold so we have fingers and toes crossed that he is better by this weekend.

As the time until we go back for the scan approaches, I am starting to get more anxious. What seemed like a long time at home, now feels like only a very brief respite. As much as I am looking forward to hearing that the IL-2 is working, I do not want to do it again. Of course I will do it again. I will be extremely thankful for its cure and I will bear its challenges with a smile knowing it is giving me back my life. But knowing all that it entails causes me to look forward to it with a smile in my heart and a pit of dread in my stomach. However, I am very much looking forward to the scan and the appointment with Dr. Schaub to find out the results. I know that hearing him say, “It’s working!” will cause the sweetest, most burden-lifting, relief-filled, joyful explosion of gratitude I have ever felt. And I am looking forward to reveling in that moment.

I don’t have a lot to report this week. My days right now are like the days of any other stay-at-home mom with a baby. We play, we eat, we nap, and we hang out with friends. We cherish every cuddle, every smile, every laugh, and every new discovery. We see the world for the beautiful wonder that it is and are delighted by each new day. We remember how very fortunate we are and take time to think about others, like so many in Japan, who are suffering far worse than we ever will. And most importantly, we live, we just live. And for that, I could not be more thankful.

Today I am thankful for a long visit from Uncle Bruce on Thursday; a fun day with Renee, Helena, and Thatcher on Friday; a fabulous St. Patrick’s Day party at Mike’s and Elizabeth’s house; a fantastic weekend visit from Jean; numerous fun visits from Linda; the beautiful weather that has allowed us to be outside each day and see all of our wonderful neighbors; the first day of Spring and the new life it brings; all of our amazing family and friends; and as always, my extraordinary husband, Jeff, and my most perfect baby Kai. I continue to be amazed by your determination, your strength, and your sweet disposition, little one. Thank you for spending this time with me. Above all, I am thankful for you.