Sunday, February 13, 2011

February 13

I'm feeling better and better each day. Other than feeling exhausted all the time and my skin still itching and peeling, I'm feeling pretty good. It's amazing what the body can do. I have no doubt that, at this rate, I will be more than ready for the battle of round two. My baby turned 4 months old today. It's incredible to see him grow, physically and mentally. He's such a smilely happy baby, we are so lucky he has such a natrually sweet disposition. We should be starting sleep training this week, and I have high hopes that we might at least begin, but I can see already that he's inherited my inane stuborness and today for nap (in the crib rather than the swing), in the battle of mom versus baby - baby won. Seems like he's going through enough with all of the changes as it is; if baby Kai wants to nap in my arms, well I'm not going to complain about that.  Every second I get with him now is another second to take with me next week when we'll be apart again.

This weekend has just been a restful weekend, regaining strength and getting back to feeling semi normal. Jeff's parents are still with us (and will be until next Sunday) and my dad and step-mom were here for the weekend too. Today we even went for a walk outside with the baby, which was great. We got to see some of our neighbors, which did a lot for making me feel like a normal member of society, and we walked up to the main part of town.  It's weird to be out among "normal" people. I feel like I don't really belong. Now that the treatments have begun, I feel more like a patient and less like a person. But that's okay because the patient part will end (soon, since the IL-2 will work) and the person part will be reborn.  People who have suffered from cancer often talk about celebrating two birthdays for the rest of their lives - the day they were born and the day they were told they were disease free. I can understand that feeling. After I am cured, I know it will feel like I have a second chance at life. I know I will be a different person from this experience. I will be reborn.  And for this second life, I will remember how precious every moment is and I will make the most of the time I am given.

I don't have a lot to talk about today. I'm just resting at home, enjoying my time before returning to the Clinical Center. But I wanted to post so all would know I am okay. Today I am thankful for the warm weather that allowed us a walk outside; my extremely supportive neighbors; all of the delicious food people are loving preparing for us; my wonderful family and friends; and, as always, my incredible husband and perfect baby Kai. You may have won today, my love, but I am a mommy first and foremost, and by the end of this week, you will be napping in your crib. And if not, well then, surely the week after that.......


  1. Sleep training?? Good luck with that.

  2. Thinking of you! We were at the NCI/NIH last week getting my husband's 3-month scans and clinic results.

    Last year, on February 12th, my husband had his third surgical excision for recurrent melanoma. A round of radiation, extensive scans, pokes, palpations and clinical trial participation since then, and Saturday, we observed my man's "1st birthday" at Stage 3c, but blissfully melanoma free.

    KNOW the IL-2 will work for you---and that you will be celebrating MANY MANY more birthdays.

    Peace and prayers, Sweet Sister!

  3. Jamie-
    Thanks for posting, was wondering how you are doing. Didn't want to disturb your at-home time with your boys. I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better, home and re-energizing with your family. Happy Valentine's Day (early)- hope you are able to have a wonderful day with your boys.
    Stay strong and know that we will all be celebrating your two birthdays with you for years to come.
    You continue to amaze me with your strength, determination, and awesome ability to touch, yet teach all of us through your writing.
    Love you sister,
    Hope to see you soon,

  4. Glad to hear that things are seemingly positive. You get all the rest you need to be the champ in round two also. Happy Valentine's Day!!!! The first of many you will share with Jeff and Kai. God bless.

  5. Happy Valentine's day to you and to Jeff and to Kai. I know you share a deep love. Love is what keeps you going and love will provide the healing. Go through this Valentine's day knowing how much you are loved today and always by me, by many.

  6. Hi Jamie,
    You might find helpful.?
    Stay strong and please keep writing. You are amazing and you are kicking butt!
    Still praying,

  7. Becky Hafer MoncavageFebruary 14, 2011 at 11:15 AM

    So happy you are home with the loves of you life on this Valentine's Day. It is certainly a very special one indeed. Sending prayers and thoughts your way every day.

  8. Jamie -
    Good luck with sleep training! I tried it for two weeks (I tell Shane I still try it, but he knows the better of that). I love the warmth of a baby snuggling next to me.

    Can you wear a baby wrap? If you can, I swear by it. Sophia slept in my wrap all day long, as I walked the dog, cooked the food, lounged around. I loved it. The hotsling was my favorite. At about 6 months, I preferred the Maya and then back to Hotsling. couldn't get used to the moby, the ergo was too much, too sweaty in the bjorn.

    Amber from Jamber

  9. Live in the sunshine, girl! So glad to hear you are feeling ok and spending lots of love-y time with family and friends :)

    “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air…” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

  10. Sooo glad your home, where you belong and feeling better! Also so glad to hear the good news from the docs! I'm sure you're enjoying every second with Kai and the hubby, and Im sure they are very thankful for you being home. Try not to focus too much on what lies ahead, focus on today and let tomorrow wait for you. This is going to be all over with before you know it! So strong and determined you are! Be proud Jamie! xxoo

  11. Hey Jamie,

    Glad you are feeling better, sweetie! Thinking of you everyday! Keep the faith! Thanks for taking time to post.

    Nothing wrong with holding baby Kai whenever he wants! I held my three all the time and they turned out just fine; better than fine, actually. :) You don't see 21 year-old Alex on my hip do ya?! Ha!

    Love you much!

  12. Jamie,
    You continue to inspire us as we read about your courageous fight. I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better and that you are allowing your friends to love on you with food & other kinds of help. You know that helping you is healing for them too. All of us are thinking about you and praying for you daily.

  13. Hi Jamie,
    Thanks for you post. So glad to hear that you are feeling better. Hopefully with regaining more and more of your "normal" daily activity you will feel less and less like a "patient". Wishing you many wonderful moments this week.
    In our thoughts and prayers,
    Joy and John

  14. Dear Jamie,

    I just heard about your fight. I am a friend of you mother and just wanted you to know that you have 2 more people, my husband an I, praying for you.

    I am amazed of your strength and positive attitude, but knowing your mother, I know you shouldn't be that different from her. Keep strong, keep fighting, keep your hope! God has a plan in all that!